Aidee Douglas

I wrote this post like three weeks ago and I forgot to post it. But it is really good so I still wanted to share.

I am frustrated with my self. I don’t seem to have a passion. WHAT? WHY? and who cares about passion-life-stuff when you have tequila in the house.

I know, I know, but for some strange unknown reason I am starting to worry about professional life stuff. And to complicate things a little bit more all this media is telling me to find my passion.

So now I want to figure out my so called passion, and commingle it with my professional life so I can have a perfect life with a pink ribbon on top of it and all.

For the last four years I had all kinds of jobs and read many books about the subject trying to find my real path in life. Tons of books and articles and conversations later and I’m still trying to figure out this shit. I’m done with this stuff. I’m tired of waiting and I want to know NOW!

Sometimes I get tired of being in my 20’s and I want to be like in my 30’s and be done with all this nonsense stuff in my head.

So back to the drama, there is always the option of going back to school. But I definitely do not want to go back to school to waste money. I’m still paying loans from that crazy private school I went to. If I go back I’m going for my masters in Arts, but even that I really don’t know if I want it. Be a yoga teacher? I don’t know! Should I just give up on the professional world and spend my money and time and getting all yogical and become like the master wizard woman in the yoga world?

But, I want to have a career and sit in meetings, and be busy and wear cute formal clothes and talk about all that important stuff from the business world. I’m ready, I don’t want to keep wasting time. Like I want to have a job and stay in the same job for years and make friends at my job and go to lunch on Fridays with my co-workers, and learn new stuff, and teach them stuff I know, and have a desk with a picture of my rock star man, and do things that I’m proud of.

So I’m trying to find a solution for all this chatter in my melon. And what do I do when I need a solution? I go to my iPhone. And what do I do when my phone doesn’t give me an answer? I go to Oprah! Because she seems capable. So I’m reading this article from her website about “finding the purpose of your life” and it’s all bullshit!

Listen and agree with me to the first rule “to find your purpose in life.”  “#1. Listen to your inner voice.” Really?? because my inner voice is telling me that I don’t know what to do. And my inner voice it’s freaking out because I’m 26 and I will be 27 in six months and then before I know it, I’ll be 30 and then what? Life is over!

“#2. Recognize crisis.” You think? I’m in crisis right NOW! And I recognize it!

“#3. Dwell in possibilities.” I’m full of possibilities. I just need one big thing to happen, or something that shows me what to do. Like I literally want God to come down and tell me what to do. Because I’m getting tired of finding it on my own. And I also need the opportunity to show I can do it. So this is all on God. He/She needs to work some magic and help me.

“4. Tune out the voice of the world.” So you all that want to give me an opinion or advice. BACK OFF! Because I have to tune you out.

“5. Decide what kind of person you want to be.” I want to be proud of myself, live with integrity and be focused on ONE thing. But which thing? Fashion, yoga, event planning, artsy stuff? That is too many; I need my head to just think about one thing. I just want to do one thing and do it with all my heart (every time I use the heart word I think it’s very romantic).

“#6. Bring your heart to your work.” I’m all heart all ready, so this doesn’t really apply.

“#7. Trust transformation.” This totally makes sense and all because I have seen enough movies where all this characters get transformed. Like obviously the Transformers movie, they got transformed into cars. Or when spider man was just a geek-o kid and then was transformed to an awesome super hero. I all ready think I’m a super hero though, so I’m being transformed all ready, I guess I need an extra transformation. Ok, so I trust transformation to change all up. I’m lacking things now.

“#8. Have no regrets.” Yeah, yeah, I learned this rule in college because every Monday morning I had to face the comments of my classmates from my spectacular manifestation of my Mexican heritage during the weekend. Yea you know it, I love tequila! No regrets people!

“#9. Take the first step.” If I knew what was the first step I would take it, believe me I would. I just don’t know what to do, and the real big problem is that I don’t think I‘m ever going to know and that is what is freaking me out and making me pull my hair and scream obscene comments to random people on the street.

“#10. Be patient.” Ain’t going to happen lady! I’m being patient enough. 3 or 4 years of waiting. Enough is enough!

You may be one of those awesome people that just know what to do and always have known, and are completely focused and just don’t understand creatures like me that simply don’t know.  All I can say to you is congratulations! Awesome for you! and I’m very jealous of you, so whatever.

I don’t know where I’m going and what my “passion”  is in this life but I know two things for sure. I don’t have to work tomorrow and Tequila always solves it all.  Amen!