Aidee Douglas

I have gone back and forward in the whole Vegan thing. Right now, I still eat cheese.BLAH! It was after my trip to Italy. I let myself eat cheese while I was living the high life and now I am screwed.

I mean I know I want to be the Vegan Wonder Women, because that is the right thing to do in my head. And believe me I am the last person to do the right thing. I make the wrong decisions quite a lot. I mean I was not always like that. There was a time when I was perfect and when all I wanted to do was the right thing. I followed my parent’s orders, other people’s orders, teacher’s and if something was asked of me to do, I would just do it. Because that was the right thing to do.

Just like when I was little, I still want to do the right thing. On the other hand, now, I feel that there are many “right things.” Many right paths. And that pretty much everybody is wrong except me.

Being Vegan for me is beyond just doing the right thing for me and others. It’s like if I don’t do it I am interfering with my core’s truth. Being Vegan is not just part of who I want to be today but part of who I want to be tomorrow. It’s like I close my brown eyes and go 50 years from now and I see a wise Vegan super star wearing very cute earrings : me!

Do you have something like that? Something that you can’t accomplish and you want it so bad? Like something inside of you wants you to do or be “that.” But you seem to be close but not quite there yet?

If I KNOW I want to be Vegan, then what is wrong with me that I can’t just change my eating habits right at this second? I did it before! Why do I keep having excuses? I don’t know why I am having such a hard time just going back to it. Maybe because I need to go through this process so I understand others in the same type of situation. Maybe so I become better. Maybe this is teaching me something.

It’s very wacky that a part of me wants to still stay in this mediocre self.

If my body and my mind right now are not ready to be Vegan. Fine. I get it. I am not going to push it. I will keep educating myself and dreaming about the Vegan wonder women that one of these days I will be.

Like Veganism, there a lot of things I want to do in my life to upgrade myself. And some things are becoming harder than others. But I will still do my best, everyday. Because there is something inside of me that drives me towards that. Like a little voice that says “keep trying.”